Please don’t listen to this terrible advice
Apparently it’s the season for giving Australian women really, really terrible advice.
Earlier this month, a women’s website ran an extract from Simone Milasis’s new book, Getting Out of Debt Joyfully, in which she accounts how she accrued (and got out of) $187,000 in debt. Among the (highly problematic) financial advice Ms Milasis offers women, is that paying bills will only ‘make the universe send you more bills’ and that women should ‘carry the kind of cash that a rich person would’.
And now a PR agency is shopping around fresh tips for single women from ‘professional matchmaker’ Yvonne Allen. According to Ms Allen, who has been in the dating biz for more than 40 years, Australian women are losing sight of their “gentle femininity” at work. Gasp! They’re foolishly focusing on frivolous things when they’re at the office, things like doing the job they are being paid to do. And this, Ms Allen warns, is obstructing romantic possibilities.Prisoners will get blow-up dolls
To guard against the risk of becoming a sad, lonely spinster with only a stellar career and bucket loads of money to keep you warm at night, Ms Allen has a series of tips. The tips read like something out of a lurid pink 1980s dating-manual. The sort of outdated glossy ‘aspirational’ advice that came accompanied by pictures of sexy secretaries with bouffant hairstyles, panty-hosed legs and pinstriped skirt suits.
Ms Allen told news.com.au she has “never conformed for the sake of doing so” and stood by her advice.
“Just as the majority of women want to meet a man who is masculine, most men are attracted by the feminine in the woman that makes him feel like a man.”This may be the greatest 'dad joke' of all time
For four decades, she said, she has been providing advice to mainly female clients who have excelled in previously male dominated industries.
“The comments may seem old fashioned [but] the reality is that these days there are countless millions of singles looking for love today who are not attracting — let alone keeping — the love they seek.”
Let’s unpack her advice piece by piece, shall we?The real price of divorce
1. Don’t let your tough exterior get in the way
Men don’t like “hard” women. You should avoid adopting “male persona” at all costs.Scientists are baffled by girl locked In a cage for 12 years
So it’s critical that you don’t wear your Tin Man from The Wizard of Oz costume to work, lest your steely exterior put off possible-future-husband-James-who-works-in-accounts. Also, I imagine that outfit would be very hard to sit in, so unless you have a standing desk situation going on, it could prove uncomfortable. Opt for the Cookie-Monster one piece instead.
The key here, says Ms Allen, is to appear more vulnerable because that is absolutely how women should aim to be viewed at work. And no, the fact that you’re paid 17 cents less for every dollar compared with blokes and have a one in three chance of experiencing sexual harassment at work, is not vulnerable enough. You have to play the damsel in distress. This means fainting regularly at the water-cooler, sobbing daintily into a hanker-chief while attending boardroom meetings and the like.
2. You are not ‘too busy’ for loveYour sex dreams, decoded
Do not be hoodwinked by your apparently fulfilled life, complete with loving friends and family and a busy, challenging career. YOU ARE NOT HAPPY. Happiness and singledom are mutually exclusive states of being. Surely, you know that by now. Ms Allen doesn’t care that it’s end of financial year and you’re up to your eyeballs in emails and urgent invoices. You are not too busy for love, so stop pretending to be. Honestly.
The trick is to go to work and not be busy. Be lazy. Create more time in your schedule by skipping assigned tasks and missing hard deadlines. None of this is as important as flirting and making eyes with your cute boss over the top of that computer screen. Fact: Inappropriate workplace relationships are absolutely the key to your future contentedness.
3. Don’t be ‘needy’ and don’t chase too hardThis is how much longer women’s orgasms last than men’s
Having needs is extremely unattractive. No man likes a woman who requires anything from him. Having expectations of your romantic partner, requiring him to possess attributes like emotional intelligence, empathy or requiring that he give you care and attention, is shameful. Don’t have needs. Having needs is probably what turned you into a scary cat lady single career woman in the first place.
Ms Allen told news.com.au she didn’t believe anyone was attracted by “neediness” and men often lose interest in a woman who were initially constantly in touch.
“I have never heard a man say that he wants to meet a woman as a potential partner who looks and acts tough,” she added. “[But] that does not mean he is seeking a wilting violet”.Celebrity personal trainer opens secret how to reach your goal
Ms Allen said many women worked hard all day “pumping hormones such as cortisol” which leave us stressed. Chatting to “female friends” is a good way to banish those bad hormones and “remain in touch with the softer sides of ourselves”.
Finally, remember to avoid chasing. Men, counsels Ms Allen, prefer to hunt rather than be hunted. And you are, of course, a wild animal that is trying to avoid being speared in the gut. So practice running. Run very fast in the opposite direction of any man you come across at work. If Tony who works in the next cubicle suggests sharing lunch together then excuse yourself, put on your Lulu Lemon, strap on some trainers and get out of the building asap.
Your boss will understand you skipping out on work.This is what happens when 100 Americans try to speak like the British
After all, you did it for love.